Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
