I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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