Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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