drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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