dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
