I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
