We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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