Dual....:-)
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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