at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
