The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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