Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
