RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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