You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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