So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
