Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
