whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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