he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
