But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
