we have officially lost it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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