Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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