what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
