pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
