wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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