I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
