I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
