Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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