Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
