an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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