I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
