and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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