I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
