upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
