my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
