So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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