I'm lost and stupid without you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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