And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
