im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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