these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
