I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
