I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
