Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
