Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
