So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
