beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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