hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
