If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize