tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
