I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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