I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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