But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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