your thong is hanging out like whoa
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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