Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
