allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
