Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
