Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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