i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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