it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
