WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
