our cab driver is having phone sex.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
