but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
