hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
