I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
