He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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