He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
