I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
