I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
