woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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