i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize